Broken Souls
by KitsuneChan83
Summary: Solona Amell is heart broken about Alistairs marriage so what better way to forget it than drinking Ogrhens ale and brandy. It takes place a few months before Anders leaves the Grey Wardens of Amaranthine. Also sets a mood of a follow up story of why Anders tries to push Hawk away at Act 1 & 2. Bioware has all rights of characters. Big Thank you to them


Anders was walking down to the dining area. It was late afternoon and it was getting a lot cooler, but still very humid. All he wanted was cold ale and a woman under him. Their abduction from the Architect really shook him. He felt so helpless, reminding his time when the Templars locked him in a cell for a year. But deep down he knew it was different. She was there! He had no right to feel this way about her. He belonged to the fucking King of Ferelden. What an idiot! He had no idea what he was giving up. No! That's the thing! He wasn't giving in her up! He was using her! Oh, I am sorry my dear lady, I can't marry a mage, even though you are from nobility, but I will always love you, we can still have fun, don't you worry. Fucking bastard! Hasn't she suffered enough in the Circle? Her beauty didn't go unnoticed by the Templars, or the mages, or... him.

She was six years younger than him. He remembered when they brought her in at the age of nine. Her face a mask of defiance, kicking every Templar that came near her and she even spat at First Enchanter Irving. That was hilarious. Her beatings were more frequent than most, very few apprentices talk to her, except that Jowan. When she matured enough the beatings stopped. But another type of horror started for her, the night visits. The first time they took her he was in his cell for good ten months. Then he heard her screams, the three Templars laughing, he knew what was happening, he knew who she was, and there was nothing he could do. He crawled into a ball with Mr Wiggums and pretended that he was somewhere nice and warm, away from here. Then Cullen came to the Circle; her torment stopped. He really did care for her, and for some bizarre reason so did she. Cullen offered her protection that nobody else could. He wished that it was him that it will save her from her tormentors but a knight in shiny armor came for her instead. He saw her less and less, and then he heard that she became a Grey Warden. A year later she recruited him. Well the Maker does have a sense of humor; again she belonged to someone else. He always portrayed himself that he didn't give a fuck about anything, he pretended that the beatings were nothing for him, or the cell confinements were just holidays from the dull life at the Circle. He even pretended that he didn't care about the girl that the Templars raped and butchered just because she offered him her barn to hide. He created this care-free persona to cover his pain, but inside he was aching for justice and freedom to love whoever he wanted. She even half joked with her about it. "All I want is a pretty girl, a dissent meal and the freedom to shoot light bolts to fools", she smiled and said that she was pretty girl and she was standing right there. He laughed, but inside it hurt, his heart ready to explode.

He reached the dining area and everyone was there except her and Nathaniel. Oghren was drinking as usual; Sigrun was reading a book about... huh, an Antivan milk sandwich? what the... and Velanna is being writing in that diary nonstop. He was starving, so he walked to the table and grabbed a couple of smoked sausages and stuffed them in his mouth. He walked up to Velanna and looked over her shoulder. She growled at him, he gave her one of his irresistible smiles and walked up to one of the bookshelves' and browsed the context of it.

Suddenly the doors sprang open with a big bang and the Commander walks in with a parchment in her hand. She calls Anders.

"_You, hold that parchment on that wall. Nathaniel, give me your bow and an arrow"_ She was beyond pissed off. That was never a good sign. Nathaniel looked at a loss.

"_Commander, please, calm down."_ She gave him a look that even Oghren stopped drinking. Anders was terrified. Bow and arrow was not her stronger points.

"_Solona, please, let's talk about it! What is this blasted parchment anyway?"_ He looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"_Anders, hold it up, Nathaniel Howe, your bow if you please."_ Anders unrolled the parchment; he raised his arm with the wall behind him, and closed his eyes. Solana Amell aimed, and released the arrow. The parchment flew from Anders hand and attached itself on the wall with an arrow through it. Anders looked at the context of the parchment. It was a drawing of King Alistair with a pretty woman on his side and with big golden letters read:

"King Alistair, married the beautiful Lady Selena Wulff, Ferelden is overjoyed with the union that will bring peace and prosperity to the nation. Raise your glasses for the new King and Queen of Fereldern!"

Anders looked at Solona, tears for running down her face, the bow limp in her hand. Oghren got up, looked at the poster, and walked back to Solona with a big goblet of ale.

"_Here, take it. Next time I see the nug humper, I would gut him myself."_ She gave him the sweetest smile, she past Nathaniel his bow and she sat down with a big gulp from her drink. She finished it in seconds.

"_Oghren, another one if you please!" _He passed her another one and he sat next to her. Anders was standing, numb, and unable to move in any direction. She looked at him with those icy white eyes of her, full of tears, red and puffed. His heart was breaking into thousands of pieces. All he wanted was to take her in his arms and comfort her, tell her that is all ok.

"_Nobody ever told you it is rude to stare? Don't worry I wouldn't have missed. I think." _She laughed a laugh as sad as a mourning bell ring.

"_Well if I did you are a healer, you would have figured it out, I hope!" _She laughed again with a more cheerful tone. Anders walked up the massive wooden ale keg and poured himself one and one for Nathaniel that was still standing, staring at the poster. They both sat down with the Commander.

Sigrun got up, gestured Velanna to do the same and came and sat with everyone else at the table. Even Velanna had a drink in her hand. The Commander looked at everyone, smiled and burst into tears. Nobody spoke for what it looked like an eternity, until she calmed herself down and she said:

"_Thank you everyone. You are all the family I have left now. Thank you for being here with me. I knew this day will come. We discussed it, I thought I accepted it. But it fucking hurts so much. I had the Archdeamon step on me and it didn't hurt as much as it does now. So as you can see, I am planning to get so drunk that even a brood mother would look as a suitable companion to share my bed with."_ Anders looked at her, his eyes filling up with tears, thinking to himself: I am here love; I will never hurt you, look at me, not a broodmother or that moron of a King that YOU placed on the throne. Everybody except Anders were looking anywhere but the Commander, until Sigrun god up and said:

"_Hey Commander, guess what! I know what an Antivan milk sandwich is! You would love it! You want to know_?" Everybody laughed as well as the Commander. Everything will be ok after all.

DADADADADADADADADADA

They have been drinking for the last five hours straight. Velanna was drunk for the first time in her life and she made a statement that she will do it on a daily basis from now on; she also decided that Oghren was a god and his self -made ale was nectar. She kissed his boots on several occasions. Nathaniel and Solona were using the poster as archery target; she actually managed to place five arrows in a row at their illustrious leader crotch, while his pretty queen ended up with several on her face while Sigrun decided to throw an axe at her that hit her strait on the forehead. There was a roar of applause and laughter, she made a deep bow and walked back to her mug and started singing to herself at the top of her lungs. Suddenly the Commander looked at Anders and staggered at his direction.

"_Hey pretty boy! I have an observation about our robes." _Anders looked at her with a puzzled expression, well as puzzled as a person can look after a dozen ales, Oghren size. She walked up to him, her eyes piercing into his soul. She stood really close to him, everybody else oblivious but him and her.

"_They are always so FUCKING WARM! I mean I am sweating my ass every time we run around with them. Don't you get that pretty boy? And... When it rains... Maker, when it rains it sticks on you like a leech. I mean look!" _She walked up to a basin with water and poured it all over her. Anders jaw dropped. Every fine line in her body was portrayed by the blue fabric. She walked in the middle of the room, everybody laughing at the site, all except Anders. She raised her arm, to quite everyone and on top of her voice she declared.

"_As the Commander- Warden on this majestic Keep, I ... I...I... declare that... wait what? What was I saying? Oh right... From now on nobody will wear any clothes or armor. Everybody undressed, that an order Wardens!" _With clumsy and several attempts she removed her robes. Everyone burst out in a roar of laughter and applause, while she did a lady like curtsy with nothing but her small clothes and thigh high boots. Anders stiffen on his seat. This is not happening to him. He dreamed about her almost every night, but this is so much better than any dream that he ever had. Her eyes were puffy from crying, glazed over from the drink but the heartache was still there. Then she turned over to Nathaniel. She walked up to him and she started giggling. Oh Maker!

"_Also... WARDENS, pay attention if you please, the Commander- Warden is giving orders. Small clothes are also unnecessary. They were created by the Chantry to cover ourselves from the sinful eyes. Look at the Chasinds for example. They wear very little and I know that they wear no small clothes. So... off they come."_

That made Nathaniel sober enough to try and cover her up, but all he managed to do is make start running around the hall, naked but her boots. Oghren, Velanna and Sigrun rolled of their sits laughing at the most bizarre site that anyone has ever seen. The great Hero of Ferelden butt- naked but nothing but her boots, laughing her head off, with Nathaniel chasing after her trying to cover her up.

_"Dont worry Commander, I was never a fun of them myself. Hell! I don't even remember the last time I wore any. Heh he!" _Solona started laughing and congratulated him for having the balls to admit it.

Suddenly she burst out of the double doors into the hall way that led into the courtyard. The servants will have a field day with this. Solona at the front and Nathaniel on her heels calling her by name and by title but nothing would stop her. But Anders couldn't move. He froze on the spot with the ale goblet mid-air. Her laughter was ringing all around the Keep, while Nathaniel begging her to stop and take his shirt. After a few minutes they heard them in the courtyard, both laughing their heads while Solona was daring Nathaniel to try and catch her. The snickering and laughter of the guards was also audible. Suddenly it all went silent and Anders hold his breath, but a few seconds later she burst back into the dining Hall, still naked with Nathaniel right at her heels.

"_Commander, please, at least put my shirt on."_She walked up to him, her face so close to his that he could feel the warmth of her breath.

"_I will put it on only... I repeat, only if you give me... a kiss."_

Anders magic and jealousy was tingling inside him. This is really not happening. Nathaniel was shifting his feet, blushing, and his ears turning red. She raised her self on her tiptoes, her breasts touching his bare chest, placing one hand on the shirt and the other one on his shoulder, and she kissed him, a hungry kiss. Anders saw Nathaniel's feet half give under him. Oghren was laughing, Sigrun wolf- whistled and Velanna just stared. Anders looked away, electricity sizzling on his fingers. She moved slowly, put on the shirt that reached just above her knees. She looked like a child putting on her father's clothes. Then with a swift move she jumped on the table. Anders looked up and she was staring at him. With a mischievous smile, she winked at him. Maker's fireballs! She was beautiful. Her silver hair was released from the complex hair bun and it was trailing down to her knees. Anders breathing was coming very irregular as she lean down to him and picked up the small dagger that was attached on his belt, her eyes never leaving his. With a swift throw the dagger landed straight at the poster where King Alistair's heart was. Her eyes were feeling up again, so she looked away. Anders hand was mid- air to stroke her face but he was too slow, she was standing on the table again.

"_Oghren, did Leliana actually teach you to play that fat lute or were you the only fat thing she was playing with?" _Oghren got up and picked up the instrument and laughed. He placed a chair by the fireplace and started singing a jolly but very dirty song. She started dancing and laughing and Velanna joined her and they both started singing at top of their lungs.

DADADADADADADADADADA

A couple of hours later they were still in the dining hall but things had calmed down, the drinking was still at full swing but the music and the singing was slow and sad. Oghren still by the fire place, singing with distant eyes, Sigrun sitting at the table nursing a mug of ale, half asleep, while Velanna was sitting on the floor leaning her head on Oghren chair while drinking a very warm ale. Nathaniel was sitting across Anders also with a mug full of brandy- Oghren brew- while Anders was looking at the woman resting at the table in front of him with just a shirt and her boots long gone. He was leaning on her elbows trying to drink from a mug that was sitting on her chest. After a few failed attempts, and a brandy soaked shirt she picked it up and gulped it all up. She shook the mug at him and he filled it up again. Nathaniel gave him a cross look. Who was he to tell her when to stop drinking, he will never understand why she is the way she is, what she endured and survived. That he can hear her cry in the middle of the night, from heartache, from the nightmares that they both suffer during their time at the Circle. So let her drink until sweet abyss takes over her sleep.

DADADADADADADADADADA

Oghren was snoring loud enough to wake up the dead but his comrades were completely oblivious to the sound as they were passed out at where they were sitting for the last two hours. Solona rolled on her side and felt a warm breath on her face. Her eyes opened and saw Anders blissfully sleeping. He was a very handsome man, a different kind of beauty than Cullen or Alistair. They were her knights in shining armor. Cullen stopped the Templars from their night visits and she loved him for that. They spend a few months of happiness until the incident with Jowan. When she saw him again at her return at the Circle, he spat cruel words to her. Her heart was broken for the first time. Then Alistair, so sweet and innocent, that made her see past the cruelty of the world, he didn't want to be King, he told her that, all he wanted was to be with her. No, she didn't allow him that happiness, and now he is married to the pretty lady and here she was cold and alone.

Anders eyes opened and saw her looking at him. They both stayed motionless with Oghren's snoring as the only sound. He slowly moved his head off the table while she was getting up. He cleared his throat with a cough, his eyes never leaving hers. He sat up while she sat cross- legged on the table. Anders without thinking stretched out his hand and touched her face. Her tears fresh running down the silky smooth skin, he continued running his fingers through her hair and on her face again to wipe the tears away. He pulled her closer to him and she landed on him with her legs around his waist. He was terrified to move, if he moved he will wake up and it will all have been a dream. She leaned and kissed him. Her lips sweet and soft, the smell of the rose- scented soap she loved so much penetrating his mind. The kiss was soft and slow, but his lust for him was making it deeper and she was responding. His hands were holding her head while he savored her, while her hands went through his hair. His little ponytail came undone and that made her giggle. He chuckled at her and their kissing suddenly turned into a desperate and hungry. A moan escaped from her throat. It was the signal his being waiting. He got up, while Solona still had her legs around him, Maker she was so light, and very clumsily but without stopping their kissing ended up in front of her room. He kicked the door open and she laughed. She stopped kissing him and started unbuttoning his rope. Her nimble little fingers were going through the buttons while he placed her gentle on the bed. It was the most beautiful sight he has ever seen. Alistair! What a foolish man.

He removed his robe and lay on top of her, kissing every inch of her face, down to her throat trying to reach her breast but Nathaniel's shirt was in the way.

"_Fucking shirt!" W_ith the ferocity of a wild animal he ripped the shirt and buttons flew everywhere. Solona squealed and laughed.

"_I will buy him another next time we are in Amaranthine!"_ said with a satisfied and sly smile on his face.

She lay on the bed under him, naked, her face flashed, her eyes red and glazed from the tears, drink and... lust. He lowered himself slowly staring deep into her eyes. She didn't shy away from him. She hold his eyes until he lowered himself at her throat, kissing it and savoring it, while his hand stroked her breasts and his fingers played with her harden nipples. Her moans were intoxicating but he wanted to take her all in, to take his sweet time with her. Slowly he moved his hand down her smooth but scarred belly to her moist and warm entrance and the minute his finger entered her, her back arched upwards. Her breathing was more like gasps as his fingers were massaging and penetrating her entrance, his lips never leaving hers. Suddenly she screamed and he felt her warm juices trickle on his hand. He smiled at her and she smiled back at him while blushing. He got off the bed and knelled at the edge of it and turned her around, placing her legs over his shoulders. He looked at the inviting entrance and he conjured some magic at the tip of his tongue and he kissed her. Solonas gasped and moved her head up to look at him. He stopped for a few seconds just to wink at her and he continued licking, kissing and soft biting with electricity shooting through her delicate area. He lost count how many times she came, her moans and screams probably waking the whole Keep. Who cares, it was just him and her. Suddenly she got up and pulled him on the bed, tripping him at the edge of the bed but there was not humor in her eyes anymore. Her face was flushed, the eyes glazed with nothing but hunger and wanting. He laid flat on the bed and she climbed on top of him. She lowered her mouth on his erected penis, taking it all in. Andraste's flaming knickers! He must be dead. No other explanation, her movement started slow and casual, and without a warning got faster and faster. Oh Maker no! He felt himself empty in her mouth. No, no, no! This is not how he imagined it to be. He looked at her with an apologetic look on his eyes. She just laughed and got up from the bed and brought them two goblets with wine.

"_I... I...I am so sorry. It never happened to me before!."_ He didn't know what else so he hid his face in the goblet drinking deep.

"_Things work a little different now you are a Grey Warden, and I might add the electricity thing was very impressive! Can I try?" _Anders gave her a puzzled looked while she took his goblet and he laid back. She conjured electricity on her hand and grabbed his penis and started moving her arm up and down in steady moves. Her eyes always on his face and to his amazement he found himself hard again.

"_Wow, the Warden stamina is really not a myth, so is the brood mother a better choice than me" _He smiled with amazement at himself and she laughed while she placed her back on the bed next to him.

"_No more games Commander- Warden!"_and with a thrust entered her. Sweet Maker! Bliss!

He moved his hips slowly in rhythm with hers, while kissing her mouth and neck. Quicker and quicker they moved, trying to reach an unknown destination. The more he thrust the more she moaned and called his name, the more she moaned the quicker he moved. He was losing himself with her, not caring what the morrow will bring. This is where he belonged, Maker don't take her away! He felt sweat running down his cheeks, but with a shock of realization it was tears. He hasn't cried since he was twelve. He looked at her face through his blurry and he saw that she was crying with him. They both tried to feel a void of emptiness that they both knew it will never be filled. When he couldn't control himself anymore he emptied inside her, while he cradled her in his arms. They both laid there motionless, her in sobs and him with silent tears running on her shoulder.

"_Thank you" _that's all she said to him before they fell asleep in each others arms. None of them had nightmares that night.

DADADADADADADADADADA

Anders was the happiest man alive. She was his and nobody will take her away from him, or so he thought. It all happened two weeks after they brought down the Mother. The King was coming to visit the Keep. He could see in her eyes that she was scared. His been married for the last four months now and he didn't once send her a letter or come to visit her. They were all dressed in full uniform, the new Warden recruits shining in their new armors. Even Solona put on her ceremonial armor, she looked stunning as always. Here he comes, the pompous prick!

"_Commander- Warden Amell, always a pleasure to see you" _said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. He looked at him and with a proud and confident face saluted him.

_Is an honor to have you amongst us your Majesty! As you can see our numbers are growing and the darkspawn are pushed back into the Deep Roads as it should be, you Majesty."_Anders could hear the confidence in her voice but her eyes were looking at emptiness. She didn't trust herself to look at him.

"_Yes... good, umm Commander- Warden Amell could I speak to you in private please?" _Her eyes flicked a look at him and then at Anders. Oghren was growling and was trying to reach his axe while Justice was trying to stop him.

"_Of course you Majesty. Please follow me in my office." _They walked in silence until they reached her office. He opened the door for her and she walked it, he followed and he locked the door.

He fell on his knees and started crying. Solona was staring at him, lost. Why is he crying, he is the one that abandoned her, he is the one that went and married Lady Selena. All she wanted was to run her fingers threw his hair and take him in her arms and promised him that everything is alight, like when they used to sit in each others arms, in camp, dreaming of the future after the Blight. Nothing ever turns that way though does it.

"_Your Majesty, is everything ok?" _She tried to keep her voice cool but she knew it will soon it will fail her.

"_Solona please, we have to much history to call each other by titles and courtesies! Maker I missed you so much it aches. I missed your touch, your voice, most importantly your advice. You were always there for me when I needed you most. Please come back to me. Also Mr Pow is being so depressed since you left."_Tears were running down his cheeks, he was kissing her boots and begging her to take him back.

"_Alistair, I am not the one who left you. You are the one who said that you needed a Queen with no ma_gic _to_ _run though her. Ferelden needs you more than I do. I never stopped loving you. Even if I do come back to you I will be second and I have a feeling that Queen Selena will not look at me kindly of stealing her King away."_What did he want from her, why didn't he just go and leave her in peace?

"_Well you see, ummm, Selena is pregnant, so the throne is secure. That was the deal of the marriage. I told her that I will never love her, that my heart was stolen by someone else. She accepted it and she is happy with the fact that her child will be the hair on the throne, and don't think that the irony is lost to me, no bastard one will try and claim the throne. She will move to her father's castle and raise our son there. It was the agreement that she signed before the marriage."_ Solona couldn't believe her ears. They can have their happy ending after all? Anders! Shit, she will have to talk to him before she gives an answer to Alistair.

"_Alistair love, I need to think! Please excuse me."_She walked out of the office and took a deep breath. Then she broke to a sprint, running into Nathaniel, and with a quick apology she started climbing the stairway to the battlements.

DADADADADADADADADADA

She found him standing there watching the sunset. His been crying and is all her fault, and what she is going to tell me is going to break his heart into thousands of pieces. BALLS!

"_Hey." _Her own voice was failing her. Anders turned and looked at her and gave her sad smile.

"_Hey." _She took his hand into hers and she kissed it. He just stared into the sunset, feeling her warmth one last time. He knew that, he was accepting it, she was getting the happy ending she wanted, well with a few alterations of course, because life is never happily ever after. She deserved it and he will not be the one to take it away from her. For once he will not be selfish and think only of himself. He will think of her and what does she want for a change.

"_So, Alistair wants me to move to Denerim with him. I will be his royal advisor. Can you believe it? Me, an advisor? I can't even figure out if I should eat mutton or beef for dinner, and all those ridiculous outfits of the court. I do miss Mr Pow though. Alistair said his being very depressed with my sudden departure."_ He looked at her and he said nothing.

"_Anders, please, talk to me!" _Tears were running down her cheek and he wiped them away with his thumb.

"_No need for those my beautiful Commander. You are the great Hero of Ferelden; your place is at Denerim, with King Alistair at your side. Ferelden needs you. No reason to shed tears for an insignificant mage like me. You showed me that beauty does exist in this world. But you also showed me that mages can be SO much more than just Templar puppets. You played your part in this world, now is my turn to do something. Justice is right, I have been selfish and it's time for me to do something good in this world." _Solona was crying uncontrollable, but they both knew this was goodbye. She hugged her and smelled her rose- scented soap one last time and he whispered in her ear.

"_I will always love you, Solona Amell"._

_DADADADADADADADADADA  
_

Solona was looking out of her bedroom window when she spotted to figures getting ready to right out. Alistair came and stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. His warm chest was comfort to her; this is where she truly belonged.

"_Who are they?" _He pointed the two riders while he placed a kiss at the back of her neck. She shivered but it was not because she was cold.

"_They are my finest Wardens, and I will probably never see them again. But is ok, they will always have each other. Two broken souls that found each other. "_

She turned around and kissed him hungrily. She smiled at him and they walked away from the window, not seeing the man staring up at her.

"_Anders, love is a weakness, mages should have your full love and attention now. They need you more than her."_

"_Yeah you are right Justice. Let's right hard. The Free Marches are a long way from here."_

* * *

_Author's Notes: Ummm, I fell in love with Anders all over again writing this story. This is a prequel of a story that I am writing at he moment of Hawk(F) and Anders. It sort of explains why Anders tries to distance himself from Hawk.  
_

_PLEASE R&R. Be Critical and Judgmental but nice. Love you all  
_


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